Last night's Project Runway broke my heart and left a bitter taste in the mouths of all good, right-thinking people who watch reality shows on Lifetime (not many). I refer to the cruel auf'ing of Ra'Mon, one of the only interesting designers in this season's decidedly beige lineup. Not only that, but Ra'Mon lost to a bullshit wannabe flapper cocktail dress sewn by mewling art student trash. But I get ahead of myself.
The episode began with the designers thanking their lucky stars that Johnny Methhead finally got the axe, but also worried that the competition was going to be a lot tougher as the group got smaller. Luckily, their fears were for naught, as Tim and co tossed them another softball challenge. Designing a costume for a movie character COULD have been an interesting one, if not for the fact that each person had the opportunity to pick their own genre to work with, and half of the genres were easy as fuck. 'Period Piece'? Really, Tim? You could even write a story to justify the costume you made, so if you happened to fuck up hard there was a built-in way to excuse yourself. The only people who actually got "challenged" by the challenge were Epperson, who got stuck with a cowboy theme as the last pick, and Nicolas, who decided this was a chance to take his space hooker aesthetic to the next level. And, of course, Ra'Mon. But more on that later.
Is this crop of designers getting really boring to anyone else? I fucking zone out when they're at Mood, when they're chatting with Tim, when they're laying faux-dramabombs about how they "aren't there to make friends" or "they have a vision". Fuck you. Shut up and work. I can't even think of anything worth highlighting about this episode other then the outfits because it was just so dull and formulaic. If you were maybe making an instructional film called "How To Make A Show About Catty Design Students And Their Loving Albino Mentor", this could have been the first half. I think the Weinsteins went through and edited out all the dramatic tension as a lawsuit fuck-you to Bravo if they ever got the show back.
The episode was successful in that it gave the really creative designers a chance to shine. Unfortunately, it also gave the boring designers a chance to, well, be boring again. While Nicolas was glorying in the chance to make the evil stepmother in his nightmares, Louise was crying about someone stealing her fucking thread and the fact that it's hard to make up stories about clothes. You know what else is hard? Listening to someone whine about such a stupid fucking problem. As always, I will only talk about the dresses I especially liked or hated, because the others are too boring to bother with. Observe:
(I admit: I was too tired of fighting with my computer to do this, and it had to go up sometime today, so the following photos are shamelessly ganked from the Una LaMarche at the HuffPo. Sorry dudes. At least I didn't leech your bandwidth.)
Hey, remember Althea's challenge winning design in episode 4? She sure hopes you don't! I'm sorry, but I don't get "baggy jacket and bouncing boobs" as a design aesthetic, no matter how much we know Heidi loves them. People always go on about how clean and polished her designs look. If I made the same outfit a bunch of times I'd probably get good at it too.
Chris had my favorite story of the night. She is a vampire bride, who is going to turn her husband into a vampire, um, like in the old times. Yes Chris, good job. Way to think on your feet. And OK, this is a beautiful dress, but the top of it really bugs me. It looks like a lampshade. But the skirt is gorgeous, and it was made in a day. So OK. This dress deserved top 3, and Chris deserves to fight another day.
I just want to point out that both people who got "action adventure" made these lameass fucking pleather catsuits. Really, guys? There are a LOT of action adventure movies to work with, and a lot of them have some kick-ass heroines with sweet-ass outfits. The challenge was "Movie Character", not "Slutty Matrix-Themed Halloween Costume". Weak sauce, Logan.
Epperson! What is there to say about this dress, besides "Good Job, Eppy"? I'm not a huge Epperson fan, and I still think he's a dick, continually impressed with his ability to do something new every time he comes to the runway. His consistent highlighting on the show makes me think he's final 3 bound. So there you go, the judges and I finally agreed on something.
Louise's dress may look familiar, as it is the exact same fucking dress she makes for every challenge ever. Also, this hit one of my pet peeves about Project Runway: She did not pay attention to the challenge. She said this dress is for an actress at an industry party trying to make it big (hey, doesn't that sound a little like episode 5?), but that wasn't the challenge! And even if it was, her dress is boring and cliched as fuck. This is another Halloween costume, but this is the costume donned by someone who can't pick a theme and just goes with "well, I have a feathered headband and this is the one time a year I can get away with that dress". Louise deserved worse then bottom 2. She should have been canned. And we know she's not going to make final 3, so why the fuck keep her and sacrifice Ra'Mon?! We lost Quacks because she was boring in one episode. By that logic, Louise should be beheaded.
WHY RA'MON WHY. OK, so the Lady GaGa reptile-inspired jumpsuit was looking like a mess. But the way to recoup was not to make an even messier looking dress and cross your fingers that someone did a worse job then you! I actually kind of like some of the ideas with this dress. The bust looks cool and the skirt has some nice bunching going on. If he'd had more time, this dress could have been top-3. But it just wasn't going to happen in two goddamned hours, even if you did give your model a backstory from the Super Mario movie (according to Russ). I still think it's bullshit he got aufed. Boring < Too Weird. Plus, Ra'Mon has consistently taken risks and made interesting clothing. Louise has consistently done crap and made crap. What the fuck, Project Runway. If I wasn't blogging this show, I'd be done.
Finally, Nic wins the challenge that was delivered to him on a platter. I don't want to put Nic down, though. This is a great costume and the details are lovely. This is one of the few wins this season I actually get. Plus, Nic is one of the only interesting designers left on the show, so I am starting to get a Stockholm Syndrome-like affection for him. I hope we get to see him and Gordana pal around some more.
Also, the judges for this episode sucked. If I want to know what the fucking costume designer from Walk the Line thinks about specialness, I will blow my goddamned brains out, because there is clearly no hope or joy left in my life. WHERE IS NINA GARCIA. BRING HER BACK TO ME.
So, that's that. Ra'Mon is gone, with a piece of my heart tucked in his sewing kit, and this season trundles on to it's mediocre midpoint. Whatever. Harmony out.