Project Runway Episode 5: Paper!

I feel better. This was a good episode. Very little to complain about.

And the reason for that, of course, was the challenge: Make a dress out of newspaper.

(Side note: I really hope the Los Angeles Times didn't pay sponsorship money to be the newspaper that made the clothes. Because that would be a colossal waste of resources for a company in a dying industry. Who would watch Project Runway and think to themselves, "Hmmm, I'll but the LA Times today. Never mind that I live in Columbus, or Wichita, or Boise, or wherever I'm hypothetically from.)

When I saw that the contestants had to make a dress out of paper, I figured it would be impossible. But everyone did a pretty great job. So, that was nice.

Of course, the thing that made this episode was that Tim Gunn got really mad. Or, in his words, incredulous!

So we have a paper clothing challenge and everything is going great. Except for Meth Johnny's work. It looks terrible. Tim Gunn, correctly, calls the dress horrible, So Johnny crumples up the dress and decides to start over with only five hours left to come up with something decent. And he fails.

So what does Johnny do? Well, you can take the drugs out of the addict, but you can't take the lies. Despite a dozen eyewitnesses and a bunch of friggin' television cameras, Johnny tells everyone that a steamer malfunction ruined his dress. Johnny even goes far enough to make this audacious claim on the runway after he makes the bottom three.

Spoiler alert: Johnny gets called out on the runway, gets eliminated, and then Tim Gunn refuses to shake his hand. Gunn even calls him out behind his back. Johnny then goes way too far and claims that dealing with addiction was in many ways easier than competing on Project Runway. Super offensive if you have any experience with addiction! Also, Johnny says that he wanted to make it to Bryant Park, but his failure just means something better is in store. Actually, Johnny, it means the opposite!

To the dresses!

Once again this week, no Nina, no Michael. Do not pass go, do not get two hundred dollars. Instead we get Tommy Hilfiger (fine), some lady from Marie Claire (fine), and Eva Longoria Parker (NOT OK!). I hate these guest judges. Especially "celebrity" judges who, let's be honest here, aren't that famous. Eva Longoria Parker's claim to fame is that she's in a Heineken Light commercial (the worst beer I've ever quaffed) and her name kind of sounds like a famous baseball player. Other than that, she is insignificant and I will not be telling you any of her opinions. They don't matter.

I will tell you that other than figuring out who the bottom two were, the judges did a terrible job. Tim Gunn fell over himself complimenting Gordana's dress. It was really pretty! Bottom three. Why? Too boring.


Remember, this is made out of newspaper. That belongs nowhere near the bottom three.

Especially when this qualifies as safe:


Woof. And I was so happy with Epperson last week.

And let's not forget this disaster from Irina:


Uh-oh. Hold on to your O Henries, because this was the winning dress. No, you're not colorblind. This looks like someone turned a color-by-numbers into a kind of ugly coat with scotch tape holding up the back. Ick.

To be fair, this probably wasn't a bottom three dress. But top three? The winning dress? No. No way, Jose.

So, the judges are doing a terrible job, but I finally enjoyed an episode. I'll take what I can get!