Kelli!

Ok, so after the disaster that was using AIM (the instant messaging system, not the clinic for porn stars) during the season premiere of Project Runway, absent guest star Kelli Martin decided to just e-mail me her thoughts. So, here they are slightly edited for spelling and clarity (my brief, unintrusive comments are italicized):

They all [the contestants, obvi] seem soooo nice! I know that it is the first episode, but I feel like there aren't any "drama queens" (yet), and there seems to be nobody trying to sell a gimmick (yet).

Solely based on personality (or the 5.3 seconds that we see of it), I am drawn to Ari and Malvin [aka Hillbilly James Iha]...they would have most likely been my friends. Johnny cries first, but aside from that, FOR SOME REASON, he seems like a nice dude. Gordana stood in front of me at my Season 5 tryout and bragged the whole time how she was a "shoe in" for Season 5...not my fave. [Inside gossip!]

I would have LOVED the first challenge, although most of the designer's seem to REALLY hold back. Either that or are they really that boring? Is it just me, or did EVERYONE chose basically the same fabric?

I LOOOOVVVED Christopher's lil' mini dress, and the "dirty white" ruffles, made it so much better! If he wouldn't have won this challenge, I probably would have thrown my booze through the tv!

Other honorable mentions were: Carol's dress. It wasn't crazy, but it was interesting. Nicolas had a good thing going (if only I could see it better!); Irina's dress was "pretty"...other than that, nothing stood out for me. It all seemed like a HUGE array of gunmetal and champagne! [Accurate burn...but at least it's better than everyone using tablecloth, right, Season 5?]

Now for the losers: I felt so bad for Ari. Seriously, her dress was funny looking, but AT LEAST she had a good attitude and made something different! (Even if it was REALLY odd.) If she had not cut the pieces into soccer balls, she may have pulled it off! The hood looked really cool! (Just remember Ari, its better to have been auf'd with something that was different, than something boring!)

Sadly, if we are questioning "taste," Qristyl [Quacks!] should have gone. That dress looked like half DOTS reject, half Emmy dress rag, circa '93. [Ouch] I am interested to see what she does next. Maybe she will make me put my foot in my mouth, but, somehow, I doubt it.

Although I showed some previous love for Johnny, WTF?! His dress was HID-E-OUS! The drape was awful, the trim was ridiculous, and the whole thing had no shape! [Harmony, Kelli and I all agreed that this dress was terrible. So, of course it got ranked top-3. Probably because it had the audacity not feature champagne or gunmetal.]

Finally, where are the tattooed mo'fos??! I need to see some spunk!

END KELLI TRANSMISSION

Well, Kelli, your tattoos plus my barbed wire tat and Harmony's dolphin on her ankle give Lifetime, Wow more than enough spunk to carry us through the season.

Thanks so much for your input and for your restraint. If I were you, every sentence would have began with, "When I won the first challenge."

Harmony and I, of course, will work on making this all run smoother for Episode 2.