Friday, January 9, 2009

To Be Fat Like Me

This will be the worst review ever. Worst both in terms of the quality of the movie and the quality of the review. I watched To Be Fat Like Me a week ago and I hardly remember a thing. To tell you the truth, if I wrote a review immediately after the movie finished, I'd be facing the same problem.

All you need to know is that Alyson lost out on a softball scholarship because of a leg fracture. She and a classmate who's handy with a camera decide to film a documentary for some contest that pays off in scholarships. The angle? Alyson uses the services of her make-up artist neighbor and pretends to be a fat person. Cue the hidden cameras and voila, documentary.

It turns out fat people have it harder! Gap clerks are dismissive of fatties because they fugly up the store. People give you weird looks on the bus. People even moo at you in the middle of class and pour soda on you at the bowling alley.

The soda becomes problematic when Alyson's make-up starts dripping off in front of all her new fat friends that have opened up to her.

Somewhere in all of this there's a boy that Alyson and a rival softball player have puppy cruses on. Also, Alyson's mom used to be so obese that her medical bills are why Alyson can't afford college. And Alyson's pudgy brother has confidence issues but now that Alyson has been "fat" for three whole weeks, she can relate.

Finally there's a big party and there's a big reveal and the movie ends.

AWESOMENESS: 2

That one point is because the last scene of the movie is Alyson talking to the camera about being nice to fat people while she's in her fat suit. Then, just like that Michael Jackson video, she morphs into skinny Alyson. I enjoyed that. Everything else was terrible.

HEY! IT'S THAT GUY!: 1

Sorry, Caroline Rhea. Sabrina the Teenage Witch was awesome and all, but that is not worth Wow Points.

I was going to go with the full zero and then I realized that Rhea was in Now and Then. So, one point. I am feeling generous.

LIFETIMENESS: 4

Man, high school is absolute hell in Lifetime movies. Who the Hell moos at the new girl in class because she's overweight? And what teacher doesn't toss that asshole to the principal's office? And stealing a bowling lane and assaulting a group of people for being fat? What?

GRAND TOTAL: 7

A new low!

9 comments:

Matthew Barney Gumble said...

Also the first time I've ever read one of your lifetime reviews in one sitting. I like this length a lot better Rusty!

L-Diddy said...

ok, I actually saw the last 20 minutes of this and it looked AWESOME. also, I then watched the movie 'queen sized' and IT BLEW MY MIND. harmony is coming to visit me next month, and we have agreed to do a tag team review of 'queen sized' and however many episodes of 'diet tribe' we can get our hands on. btw, HARMONY YR BEE-DOG IS 2 CUTE!!!

Anonymous said...

Please write more!!!!

Anonymous said...

Rusty - I respectfully, kindly, but firmly demand you write more reviews. I can't live without them. Pretty please?

Anonymous said...

the moive was pretty lame and i dont expect o watch it again. boo hoo for fat people .... cry me a river

kamagra said...

This is a good movie, I feel really identify with this because I'm also a fat man, I got excellent ideas and thoughts after watching this movie.

www.salamanca-3d.com said...

Thank you for your post, pretty helpful material.

Anonymous said...

well maybe you think it's not a great movie because you can't identify with the character...
I think people who can might think differently, and that's basically what the movie is about. Try to change your angle.

Blogger said...

Get all your favorite spirits and wines at Duty Free Depot!

All the popular brand name beverages for unbeatable low prices.