I Question The Specialness Of Episode 6

Last night's Project Runway broke my heart and left a bitter taste in the mouths of all good, right-thinking people who watch reality shows on Lifetime (not many). I refer to the cruel auf'ing of Ra'Mon, one of the only interesting designers in this season's decidedly beige lineup. Not only that, but Ra'Mon lost to a bullshit wannabe flapper cocktail dress sewn by mewling art student trash. But I get ahead of myself.

The episode began with the designers thanking their lucky stars that Johnny Methhead finally got the axe, but also worried that the competition was going to be a lot tougher as the group got smaller. Luckily, their fears were for naught, as Tim and co tossed them another softball challenge. Designing a costume for a movie character COULD have been an interesting one, if not for the fact that each person had the opportunity to pick their own genre to work with, and half of the genres were easy as fuck. 'Period Piece'? Really, Tim? You could even write a story to justify the costume you made, so if you happened to fuck up hard there was a built-in way to excuse yourself. The only people who actually got "challenged" by the challenge were Epperson, who got stuck with a cowboy theme as the last pick, and Nicolas, who decided this was a chance to take his space hooker aesthetic to the next level. And, of course, Ra'Mon. But more on that later.

Is this crop of designers getting really boring to anyone else? I fucking zone out when they're at Mood, when they're chatting with Tim, when they're laying faux-dramabombs about how they "aren't there to make friends" or "they have a vision". Fuck you. Shut up and work. I can't even think of anything worth highlighting about this episode other then the outfits because it was just so dull and formulaic. If you were maybe making an instructional film called "How To Make A Show About Catty Design Students And Their Loving Albino Mentor", this could have been the first half. I think the Weinsteins went through and edited out all the dramatic tension as a lawsuit fuck-you to Bravo if they ever got the show back.

The episode was successful in that it gave the really creative designers a chance to shine. Unfortunately, it also gave the boring designers a chance to, well, be boring again. While Nicolas was glorying in the chance to make the evil stepmother in his nightmares, Louise was crying about someone stealing her fucking thread and the fact that it's hard to make up stories about clothes. You know what else is hard? Listening to someone whine about such a stupid fucking problem. As always, I will only talk about the dresses I especially liked or hated, because the others are too boring to bother with. Observe:

(I admit: I was too tired of fighting with my computer to do this, and it had to go up sometime today, so the following photos are shamelessly ganked from the Una LaMarche at the HuffPo. Sorry dudes. At least I didn't leech your bandwidth.)


Hey, remember Althea's challenge winning design in episode 4? She sure hopes you don't! I'm sorry, but I don't get "baggy jacket and bouncing boobs" as a design aesthetic, no matter how much we know Heidi loves them. People always go on about how clean and polished her designs look. If I made the same outfit a bunch of times I'd probably get good at it too.











Chris had my favorite story of the night. She is a vampire bride, who is going to turn her husband into a vampire, um, like in the old times. Yes Chris, good job. Way to think on your feet. And OK, this is a beautiful dress, but the top of it really bugs me. It looks like a lampshade. But the skirt is gorgeous, and it was made in a day. So OK. This dress deserved top 3, and Chris deserves to fight another day.












I just want to point out that both people who got "action adventure" made these lameass fucking pleather catsuits. Really, guys? There are a LOT of action adventure movies to work with, and a lot of them have some kick-ass heroines with sweet-ass outfits. The challenge was "Movie Character", not "Slutty Matrix-Themed Halloween Costume". Weak sauce, Logan.













Epperson! What is there to say about this dress, besides "Good Job, Eppy"? I'm not a huge Epperson fan, and I still think he's a dick, continually impressed with his ability to do something new every time he comes to the runway. His consistent highlighting on the show makes me think he's final 3 bound. So there you go, the judges and I finally agreed on something.













Louise's dress may look familiar, as it is the exact same fucking dress she makes for every challenge ever. Also, this hit one of my pet peeves about Project Runway: She did not pay attention to the challenge. She said this dress is for an actress at an industry party trying to make it big (hey, doesn't that sound a little like episode 5?), but that wasn't the challenge! And even if it was, her dress is boring and cliched as fuck. This is another Halloween costume, but this is the costume donned by someone who can't pick a theme and just goes with "well, I have a feathered headband and this is the one time a year I can get away with that dress". Louise deserved worse then bottom 2. She should have been canned. And we know she's not going to make final 3, so why the fuck keep her and sacrifice Ra'Mon?! We lost Quacks because she was boring in one episode. By that logic, Louise should be beheaded.




WHY RA'MON WHY. OK, so the Lady GaGa reptile-inspired jumpsuit was looking like a mess. But the way to recoup was not to make an even messier looking dress and cross your fingers that someone did a worse job then you! I actually kind of like some of the ideas with this dress. The bust looks cool and the skirt has some nice bunching going on. If he'd had more time, this dress could have been top-3. But it just wasn't going to happen in two goddamned hours, even if you did give your model a backstory from the Super Mario movie (according to Russ). I still think it's bullshit he got aufed. Boring < Too Weird. Plus, Ra'Mon has consistently taken risks and made interesting clothing. Louise has consistently done crap and made crap. What the fuck, Project Runway. If I wasn't blogging this show, I'd be done.







Finally, Nic wins the challenge that was delivered to him on a platter. I don't want to put Nic down, though. This is a great costume and the details are lovely. This is one of the few wins this season I actually get. Plus, Nic is one of the only interesting designers left on the show, so I am starting to get a Stockholm Syndrome-like affection for him. I hope we get to see him and Gordana pal around some more.










Also, the judges for this episode sucked. If I want to know what the fucking costume designer from Walk the Line thinks about specialness, I will blow my goddamned brains out, because there is clearly no hope or joy left in my life. WHERE IS NINA GARCIA. BRING HER BACK TO ME.

So, that's that. Ra'Mon is gone, with a piece of my heart tucked in his sewing kit, and this season trundles on to it's mediocre midpoint. Whatever. Harmony out.

Project Runway Blog Delayed

Attention True Believers:

Due to an unbelievable amount of bullshit, the PR blog will be going up tonight. All my apologies and etc., but sometimes we hurt the ones we love.

Can we all agree that Ra'Mon was fucked over though?

Harmony

Kelli Martin's Thoughts on the Paper Challenge

So, at the very least, we don't have contestants designing based on amateur photography of the skyline. That's worth something, right?

FINALLY! A challenge the showcases creativity and is actually entertaining! This is a REAL challenge! Fashion is about innovation and we finally see some talent!

Tim Gunn really tore someone apart tonight. One thing I miss about Project Runway on Bravo was that Tim Gunn's Bravo.com blog showed real dissent. Last year, Columbus's own Terri got a top-3 spot in the drag queen challenge and Gunn spent two paragraphs bashing the outfit.

I REALLY wish that I had been on for that challenge! Tim Gunn is there as an adviser, he isn't always right, but he has always seemed to be the most genuine person on this show. (That, or he's deserves an Oscar for his performance)

So, any personal examples of Tim being totally wrong about something?

Uhhhh, yeah. My "Slutty, slutty, slutty" outfit had the potential of being really stunning. Sexy suit transitioning from day to night. YEEAAAAH, right! I was bashed for it! He even saw it near the end of its completion! However, I do trust his opinion. I only wish he could be slightly more objective when it comes to street style/subculture inspired fashion. I just don't think he gets it.

2b. Did Gunn ever get that "incredulous" during your time on the show. That last scene was ice cold.

That last scene made me double take. Something else must have happened. I have NEVER seen Tim Gunn be that cold! Even when Kenley yelled at him he kept his cool. Yeah, Johnny was an annoying ass that lasted too long, but JESUS CHRIST! Was talking about the kicked off boy necessary?! Looks like someone is letting fame go to his head!

3. The Missus over at HQ wants to know how much work the networks put into how the designers looks? Did Bravo choose your wardrobe and do your makeup? After six seasons, I kind of expected more slobs. Everyone looks well put together.

I am still under contract, but lets just say I wasn't able to sew in my normal get up (band T's and jeans) because of "copyrights", even electrical tape cover up wasn't allowed. That resulted in me mashing together random pieces to form a comfortable outfit, mostly consisting of dresses and other CRAP! Not to mention, there was NOOOO A/C and it was the dead of summer in NY! I WAS SWEATING BULLETS! SERIOUSLY! Fuck the competition it is 1765325 degrees in here and I have to wear a sweater b/c I have no T's to wear!

The WORST part was "continuity" requiring me to remain a blonde throughout the tryout process, which led to fried hair and extensions. (although they did NOT make me get extensions OR dye my hair, I kind of had no choice.)

Sorry, but that was seriously the WORST PART of the show.....they obviously have characters to fill. I even read a blog about a "blonde" conspiracy theory on PR! Apparently, the lightest "blonde" is always kicked off 1/3 of the way through the season (5th-7th episode)! I thought it was crazy, but some of their points were valid! I think it is ALL loosely pre-determined.

4. I know you don't like her, but how does Gordana (too lazy to check spelling) end up in the bottom 3? That is crazy. Crazy!

I don't necessarily hate her. I was just as confused as you! SOOOOO, it was wearable art. Isn't that the point??! It was made perfectly! AND FIT! I did like Althea's dress, although I wish the waist fit better. The winner? I am glad she won, I guess....She, at least, acted humble.

5. We can agree that this episode was a strong step in the right direction, right?

MUCH, MUCH better. Hopefully they continue! This could be a crap shoot!


Random thoughts....

-Christopher's outfit was hideous! Talk about a prom dress! Yeah, so the bodice fit decently....BIG DEAL! The bottom was awful!
-Did I not tell you about Shirin??!! She IS a talented (nicer) Kenley! Hopefully the "talented" part will continue to please at the VERY least.
- I HAAATE the ways Nicholas talks! He is sooo annoying!
-What is up with all of the "immunity" challenges?? You were lucky if 2 of the prizes for the challenge was immunity!
-Next week a one day challenge! We will really see if they can get their shit together and show us fashion!
-Finally, THANK YOU lifetime for keeping Nina and Michael off of my television for another week!

Project Runway Episode 5: Paper!

I feel better. This was a good episode. Very little to complain about.

And the reason for that, of course, was the challenge: Make a dress out of newspaper.

(Side note: I really hope the Los Angeles Times didn't pay sponsorship money to be the newspaper that made the clothes. Because that would be a colossal waste of resources for a company in a dying industry. Who would watch Project Runway and think to themselves, "Hmmm, I'll but the LA Times today. Never mind that I live in Columbus, or Wichita, or Boise, or wherever I'm hypothetically from.)

When I saw that the contestants had to make a dress out of paper, I figured it would be impossible. But everyone did a pretty great job. So, that was nice.

Of course, the thing that made this episode was that Tim Gunn got really mad. Or, in his words, incredulous!

So we have a paper clothing challenge and everything is going great. Except for Meth Johnny's work. It looks terrible. Tim Gunn, correctly, calls the dress horrible, So Johnny crumples up the dress and decides to start over with only five hours left to come up with something decent. And he fails.

So what does Johnny do? Well, you can take the drugs out of the addict, but you can't take the lies. Despite a dozen eyewitnesses and a bunch of friggin' television cameras, Johnny tells everyone that a steamer malfunction ruined his dress. Johnny even goes far enough to make this audacious claim on the runway after he makes the bottom three.

Spoiler alert: Johnny gets called out on the runway, gets eliminated, and then Tim Gunn refuses to shake his hand. Gunn even calls him out behind his back. Johnny then goes way too far and claims that dealing with addiction was in many ways easier than competing on Project Runway. Super offensive if you have any experience with addiction! Also, Johnny says that he wanted to make it to Bryant Park, but his failure just means something better is in store. Actually, Johnny, it means the opposite!

To the dresses!

Once again this week, no Nina, no Michael. Do not pass go, do not get two hundred dollars. Instead we get Tommy Hilfiger (fine), some lady from Marie Claire (fine), and Eva Longoria Parker (NOT OK!). I hate these guest judges. Especially "celebrity" judges who, let's be honest here, aren't that famous. Eva Longoria Parker's claim to fame is that she's in a Heineken Light commercial (the worst beer I've ever quaffed) and her name kind of sounds like a famous baseball player. Other than that, she is insignificant and I will not be telling you any of her opinions. They don't matter.

I will tell you that other than figuring out who the bottom two were, the judges did a terrible job. Tim Gunn fell over himself complimenting Gordana's dress. It was really pretty! Bottom three. Why? Too boring.


Remember, this is made out of newspaper. That belongs nowhere near the bottom three.

Especially when this qualifies as safe:


Woof. And I was so happy with Epperson last week.

And let's not forget this disaster from Irina:


Uh-oh. Hold on to your O Henries, because this was the winning dress. No, you're not colorblind. This looks like someone turned a color-by-numbers into a kind of ugly coat with scotch tape holding up the back. Ick.

To be fair, this probably wasn't a bottom three dress. But top three? The winning dress? No. No way, Jose.

So, the judges are doing a terrible job, but I finally enjoyed an episode. I'll take what I can get!

More Kelli? More Kelli.

Kelli Martin's thoughts on Episode 4 of Project Runway:

Q: When there's a new show you're interested in, how many episodes do you usually give it before you give up entirely. Like, there was a History Channel Show called Jurassic Fight Club that showed simulations of dinosaur fights. I gave that 8 weeks. I only give most sitcoms or dramas 3 or 4 weeks to wow me. How many are we giving Project Runway? Because this sucks.

If I hadn't promised to blog, I would have giving up after week two! MAAAYYYBE, week 3! The designers are all likable, but I see nothing spectacular about any of them. I would much rather see a show about designer's who make more avant garde pieces. This is like watching the Home Shopping Network! I can barely stay awake!

2. I ask this not to be snarky, but because I have no idea. Why did Althea's dress win? All 4 of us at our HQ hated it. What did we miss?

Ok, so that's what I thought. I did like the concept, and I get that it would be different, sophisticated, and sexy.....but it looked like a blob! The skirt was not only up to her neck, it was all poofy and puffy! And if Heidi wants to comment on boobs! Those things were flippin' and floppin' all over the place! Not to mention WE COULDN'T SEE THE CONSTRUCTION! From experience, if they barely show the garment, it is pinned together and royally fucked up.

3. Heidi's leopard print top. No question, just ew.

Love the print, hate the gypsy cut. WHAT ABOUT THE GRAY SWEATER??!!! With thigh high boots?! I am all about the boots, but she looked like ACTUAL shit. And she has someone dressing her! (we called her "Messy Johnson", because she looked crazy like Betsey Johnson, but was a total mess!)

4. Do models and designers really get along as well as half of the contestants claim? These people are blowing smoke up our asses, right?

Most of the designer's are total kiss-asses anyway, but the models were nicer than I had expected (at least for my season). I couldn't part with my model because she was sooo nice, got my stupid sense of humor, and "played the game." She wasn't ideal for me, which could have been a problem, but I tend to be drawn to more down to Earth people, and she was one of them. (Then Kenley got a hold of her and made her cry! Said her garment didn't fit because Germaine's body was asymmetrical! Nice try, BIIIIATCH!)

That's all!

Not much to say because it is so f'in dull, but I would have chosen Epperson to win (I liked the idea, but it was slightly trashy '94), or Carol Hannah. I have a feeling Carol Hannah will show us some decent shit. Louise's dress was cute, but HOW MANY TIMES are we going to see that collar??!! I have sen it on like 5 past episodes!!!!!!!!!! ANNNND, I fucking HATE [guest judge] Jennifer Rode! She was a bitch on "How Do I Look?", and obviously still is! She even resembles Nina! It is nicer without Nina or Michael there... the judges seem to actually view it as consumers, not as rich, snobby, son of a bitch, bastards!

Project Runway Episode 4: Still Boring!

I don't know what to say. This isn't working. It looks like Michael Kors has jumped ship. And today we were without the venerable Nina Garcia. The challenges are boring. One contestant had the audacity to hope for a challenge that will let them show who they are as a designer. Fuck the heck is he talking about? We've had a challenge where you can design any red carpet dress you want. A challenge where you can design any maternity dress you want. And finally a challenge where you can design any surf look you want. God damn it, make something out of car parts already.

But no. Instead we have designers making clothes for their models. Just this time, the models get to choose what they want. I'm sure the models are lovely people (even the one who left the show for an Arby's commercial), but I don't think they know any more than I do about designing clothes.

The episode was really just an excuse to have every contestant looking into the camera nervously saying that these dresses don't really match their preferred aesthetic. The sad part about that is that the show has been so boring so far that I don't know what anyone's aesthetic is. All of these clothes are running together. Watching Episode 4 yesterday, there was a contestant who I had absolutely no recollection of.

Anyways, the challenge. It turns out that the models kind of have terrible taste. They were all happy with whatever crap was sent their way. The best moment in the episode is when once of the many guest judges rejected a model's affirmation of a horrible garment by reminding her that's why she's not a designer. Good.

Here's the winning dress from Dayton, Ohio's Althea:


There were four people in the room watching this. Harmony, Rusty, and our respective lovers. Unanimous disdain. So of course it won. It looked sloppy. It looked like a sloppy suit with a bubble skirt. It was gross and I hate this season.

One dress in the top-3 that I did like was Epperson's. Epperson was the focus of today's episode because he misses his family and was crying while making his dress. Blah, blah, blah. But I liked his dress!


Now, to be clear, this isn't the prettiest thing in the world. But Epperson has actually shown us an aesthetic that he likes. He rejected his model's request for orange fabric and took her moronic request to look "shiek and edgy" and he made it work in a way that shows his eye for design. I didn't like this on the runway, but the more I let it sink in - especially compared to all of the other dresses - the more I like this.


I'm pretty sure Nicholas's dress was the consensus favorite in the room. It could have fit a little better up top, but design-wise, yes please.

It should be clear by now that Nicholas is in this for the long haul. He, like everyone else in this season of the damned, is playing it too conservatively. But he's got a good eye.

Now, two dresses we hated!


I remarked that this looked like a Chinese finger trap. I also liked the AV Club's review that said this model looked like a stick of gum. The funny thing is, I like the color. Hate everything else.

And our losing dress is from Quacks:


A dress couldn't deserve to lose more than this dress. A boring little black dress that's also poorly constructed and designed? Unforgivable.

By the way, Harmony and I watched a fantastic Lifetime movie last week. We really need to write up a review because I need a change of pace from this boring show. Look for that in the next few days.

Kelli Martin's Take on Episode Three

Spoiler: It's pretty saucy.

Q: So, the obvious question is why you'd ever want to be the leader in a group challenge. That is death. And you know that firsthand. The challenge yesterday, the leaders were picked by luck of the draw. Do think everyone was hoping to be an assistant?

A: First off, I think that "random" little button bag is a scam! This is a reality show man, they have pockets or something in that bag to determine who ends up together! I wanted to be chosen as the leader, I wanted to be in charge, and I wanted to win! I don't trust ANYONE, but I NEVER thought anyone would purposely sabotage another. On the other hand, I caught a glimpse of a few people's sketches on my season for episode 5, and it appeared as if they were attempting to get the assistant job! For instance, Kenley's sketch looked like an ACTUAL stick person! Who presents that to a client??!! As in my season, I am sure that some of the designer's are actually attempting to do a good job, and the others are "playing the game."

Q: When Tim Gunn throws out the curveball that they need another, more complicated dress, is that totally disheartening?

A: It takes next to nothing to whip together a swimsuit.....and like 1/2 yard of fabric! So all of this bitching about what they needed to buy was time wasting....buy a bunch of crap, and you will have choices!

All of the beach looks, especially with 2 people, should take no time to execute! I do understand the stress of having shit thrown at you last minute, so I get it, but it shouldn't be a big deal.

Q: How does one handle friction in a team challenge. Q[uacks] and Epperson clearly wanted to fight to the death. How does one work through that?

A: Honestly, I wish I would have been a TOTAL bitch to Daniel in my challenge. He either deliberately fucked his shit up, or he REALLY didn't know how to sew/construct. (A pencil skirt can be made in like 30 minutes!)

I must admit, I prefer working alone (I am a loner, Dottie, a rebel), but I did my best to not jack his jaw! When one person is practically sewing the whole look, AND helping their partner make their half, the final garment is TOTALLY going to suffer.......they made the right choice keeping Epperson.....I have a feeling we are about to see more DOTS rejects from Q.

Q: What the Hell was Mitchell's problem?

A: He obviously is lazy and cannot sew. He was kept around because he fits the PR stereotype, not because he is a good designer. It's funny how one person can never be in the bottom, win the "innovation" challenge against the ENTIRE cast of 16 contestants, and still be auf'd. Apparently you get 3 strikes now....

Q: This episode was not-so-subtly sponsored by Garnier. How much of an effect do the hair and makeup people have on looks. Do they really complete looks and make your work that much better or could you have done without them? And did they ever make one of your looks worse?

A: Man, I could have done this shit. No offense, and I have been creating my own look for 20+ years, but SERIOUSLY??! Is the hair & makeup typically ever mentioned? They have to push, push, push the sponsors in order to pay for their MASS advertising for this dull ass season. (Oh sorry, did I say that out loud?)

And some Kelli potpourri:

Finally, I hated most of the looks. I thought they were dull and boring. I did, however, LOVE the 2nd look with the zippers by Louise and the Ohioan. (that was her partner, right??) The rest were COMPLETELY forgettable....well, Ra'mon did an ok job with his second look....I love the dyeing of fabric! I am sure that you can tell! Seems like a lot of hand dyeing lately......nice to see them using gloves and buckets, etc.....I used my BARE hands like a caveman!

Oh yeah, did you see Heidi's HIDEOUS extensions in that ponytail??!! You are a millionaire!!!!!! And again, if I hear "chic", "amazing", or anything similar again, I REALLY am going to die! GET A NEW VOCABULARY!!!!! Why do these designer's find it necessary to sound so cliche'??!!!