If Brittany Murphy never died, I never would have watched this. So you could say I'm taking her death particularly hard.
Murphy stars as Cilla McGowan, a former child actress living off residual checks. Cilla's grandmother was a big time singer and actress who won a bunch of Oscars before killing herself via vodka and sleeping pills. Cilla is moving back to her Grandma's Virginia estate to fix it up. No explanation given.
McGowan's neighbor is a hunky creep who writes graphic novels for a living. When some mysterious assailant cuts up Cilla's trees, leaves dolls lying around with knives in their back, and assaults Cilla's ex-husband (who tries - in a friendly way - to sleep with Cilla ONE SCENE before he tells Hunky Creep that he loves her like a sister) with a blow to the head, Hunky Creep demands that he spend the night in Cilla's bedroom for protection. He won't take "no" for an answer. How charming.
Naturally this asshole is the hero of the story. He proposes to Cilla after two weeks and manages to control every aspect of Cilla's life in that time and he is the good guy that every woman should want.
Ok, back to the assaults.
Cilla talks to her dead Grandma (who she has never met) in a series of soft focus dream sequences. My favorite is the one where Cilla falls down some weird bottomless pit.
Pictured: Rusty not exaggerating
None of this is interesting or important. The bad guy turns out to be the wife of some guy in town who was fucking Grandma. Wifey killed Grandma and now, FOR NO REASON, is going to kill Cilla to finish the job.
But that attempted murder scene is holy fuck crazy. Wifey spikes Cilla's drink and tells her that people will think she killed herself or accidentally overdosed.
THE CLIMAX OF THIS MOVIE IS BRITTANY MURPHY WRITHING AND GASPING LIKE A FISH WHILE A BAD GUY TAUNTS HER BECAUSE EVERY ONE WILL THINK SHE ONLY OVERDOSED.
Why would Lifetime show that!?!? That's like showing Limp Bizkit's Rolling video on 9/12/01.
Oh yeah, Cilla gets rescued and lives happily ever after with a dude who deserves a restraining order.
AWESOMENESS: 7
The movie started slow and never made much sense, but those dream sequences where something special.
And I like my humor dark and black, but that ending... sheesh.
HEY! IT'S THAT GUY!: 4
No one famous except Murphy. I mentioned Drop Dead Gorgeous at the beginning of this review and it deserves a second mention. That movie is awesome. If you think Brittany Murphy suffering through an overdose in a film released months before her real life overdose is hilarious, you will LOVE Drop Dead Gorgeous.
LIFETIMENESS: 4
Harmony mentioned that the male love interests in Lifetime movies are often controlling assholes who would be portrayed as sociopaths by a sane television channel. Lifetime is very much unsane. Points there.
There was a startling lack of women's intuition though. Cilla only figured out who the bad guy was after Wifey was all, "Oh, bee-tee-dub, I just gave you the same poison I gave your grandmother! EFF-TEE-DUB!"
GRAND TOTAL: 15
The end of this movie was like a Family Guy joke. Mean-spirited and non-sensical. Tai deserves better.
But that attempted murder scene is holy fuck crazy. Wifey spikes Cilla's drink and tells her that people will think she killed herself or accidentally overdosed.
THE CLIMAX OF THIS MOVIE IS BRITTANY MURPHY WRITHING AND GASPING LIKE A FISH WHILE A BAD GUY TAUNTS HER BECAUSE EVERY ONE WILL THINK SHE ONLY OVERDOSED.
Why would Lifetime show that!?!? That's like showing Limp Bizkit's Rolling video on 9/12/01.
Oh yeah, Cilla gets rescued and lives happily ever after with a dude who deserves a restraining order.
AWESOMENESS: 7
The movie started slow and never made much sense, but those dream sequences where something special.
And I like my humor dark and black, but that ending... sheesh.
HEY! IT'S THAT GUY!: 4
No one famous except Murphy. I mentioned Drop Dead Gorgeous at the beginning of this review and it deserves a second mention. That movie is awesome. If you think Brittany Murphy suffering through an overdose in a film released months before her real life overdose is hilarious, you will LOVE Drop Dead Gorgeous.
LIFETIMENESS: 4
Harmony mentioned that the male love interests in Lifetime movies are often controlling assholes who would be portrayed as sociopaths by a sane television channel. Lifetime is very much unsane. Points there.
There was a startling lack of women's intuition though. Cilla only figured out who the bad guy was after Wifey was all, "Oh, bee-tee-dub, I just gave you the same poison I gave your grandmother! EFF-TEE-DUB!"
GRAND TOTAL: 15
The end of this movie was like a Family Guy joke. Mean-spirited and non-sensical. Tai deserves better.
MAY SHE GO ROLLIN' WITH HER HOMIES IN THIS LIFE AND THE NEXT
5 comments:
Yep, nobody famous. Nobody to speak of. Nobody except TIPPI GODDAMN HEDREN. The birds are going to peck your eyes out for this one, homie.
Has Tippi Hedren seriously been reduced to lifetime movies? Not that she was ever a good actress, but still.
Was Murphy's death a confirmed overdose? I thought she had heart problems stemming from an eating disorder. Either way, a damn shame. She was awesome.
I watched this for a SECOND time the other day... Just as awful as it was the first time only this time I felt bad for thinking Brittany Murphy was so awful since she's dead.
to me this was one of the most regrettable deads in the last years, I mean Brittany was a beauty women, so talented, and as person all the poeple who sourround her say that she was a excellent person, R.I.P Brittany Murphy.
This will not succeed in reality, that is what I think.
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