Perfect Romance

I'm sick and tired of babynappers and murderous ex-husbands. Why not settle in with a nice romantic comedy from the nice people at Lifetime?

Which brings us to Perfect Romance, a story about one of the more twisted love triangles I've seen on the small screen.

Jenny, a ceramics maker with a fondness for brash colors, is a recently divorced single mom living with her mom. Her mom, Tess, is single herself after her husband turned out to be gay and moved to my hometown of Yarmouth, Massachusetts (seriously) to open a store with his partner called Mantiques (seriously).

Then there's Peter, the British literature professor who moved to America to be with his one true soulmate. They met on vacation. She dumps him immediately.

Peter's luck starts to turn around when he finds Jenny's profile on an Internet dating site. They trade correspondence and fall deeply into Inter-love. After two months, Jenny invites Peter to spend the weekend at the house where they can get to know each other in person. Not as lovers, but first as friends.

The twist? It was Tess's writing that Peter fell in love with! She put up Jenny's ad (and picture) to find her daughter a new man. Jenny was still having trouble getting over her rock star ex-husband (seriously) and it was time for drastic action. That's right. Tess is a Grade-A meddler.

And, yes, when Peter drives to Jenny and Tess's place, he does indeed try to get in the passenger door and briefly drives on the left side of the road. because British people are different! Get it!?

So Jenny, at first horrified by her mother's deceit, she tries to make it work when she realizes that Peter is in fact handsome. This of course doesn't work. Tess and Peter like Keats. Jenny likes Kerouac. And Jenny is a little behind the 8-ball considering she doesn't really have an idea of what her mom was writing to this British mystery man.

Oh, what the Hell is with inviting some weird man you've never seen before into a house where your four-year-old son sleeps? That is bad parenting.

Actually, we don't really ever get to see Jenny spend any time with her son. She's too busy trying to deceive Peter. The son spends all of his time with some family friend named Miles who is handsome and ambitious and do you see where I am going with this?

It becomes increasingly obvious that Jenny and Peter aren't working out. Tess and Peter? They're a match made in heaven. Jenny realizes this and pulls a reverse. She decides to sabotage her shot at Peter and attempt to set him up with her mom. Instead of being nice about it, Jenny decides the best strategy here is to set up an elaborate scheme where Peter walks in on Jenny fake-kissing Miles. This breaks Peter's heart and Jenny celebrates her success by eating chocolate.

Jenny's rocker ex-husband also walks in on the fake kiss and he is filled with so much jealousy that he decides to re-propose to Jenny. (Are you getting all this?) Jenny, like a moron, accepts because she wants a father for her child.

Since being an asshole has worked out so well for everyone so far, Miles's reaction to all this is to try to bribe the ex-husband with $31,000 to leave Jess alone. Miles wants Jenny for himself. Naturally, the ex tattles on Miles. But Jenny decides that the gesture of buying a man's fiancee is in fact romantic and breaks off the re-engagement.

Oh, and Tess admits that she really wrote all those love letters and she makes out with Peter. Jenny makes out with Miles. Both icky couples do this in front of that poor four-year-old kid. The film ends with the tyke asking the family if he has to call Peter "Grampy" now. Everyone shares a good laugh and a happy ending.

What. The. Hell.

AWESOMENESS: 11

There are no words to describe how evil and conniving every character was. Except for Peter. He wasn't conniving. Just a moron.

I'll admit my biases. I don't care for romantic comedies that much. And even for a romantic comedy, the jokes fell awfully flat here. The joy in this film is waiting for a character to go ahead and do something awful to a family member or friend in the name of love. And then for the film to treat it like a grand romantic gesture.

In the interest of fairness, I should show you the entirety of "Pvaslinda's" IMDB review of the film. Three out of three people found it helpful!

OK ,so I saw it for the first time about 2 weeks ago,but I have watched it at least 4 times since. What a romantic movie,if only real life was this good. I guess you can see how it is going just by watching the Peter character looking at Tess ,almost from the minute they meet. The fact that she knows the poetry,the sports,everything. The younger couple was interesting as well,I have seen many people blind to what is right in front of them,so it was nice how they resolved their storyline,but,alas,the movie belongs to Peter and Tess. They just do not make enough movies that have that age group(my age group) having any kind of love life,its like life ends at 30 in Hollywood.Too bad they are missing out. I can only hope that it comes out on DVD some day,I would definitely buy it,but for right now I will be happy to play my VHS copy.

So, if you're an old lady who is easily impressed, you might like this movie.

HEY! IT'S THAT GUY!: 10

A solid, solid ten. The star, Tess, was played by Oscar nominee Kathleen Quinlan. She's exactly the type of "lady of a certain age" you expect to be the star of a Lifetime movie. But she's been in more than enough films to warrant a high score.

But Jenny and Peter really won the most "Hey! It's That Guy!" kudos. Peter is Desmond from Lost. Jenny is played by Lori Heuring. Who? Who cares!? All that matters is that Heuring was the star of one of the most awesomely forgotten movies that have come out in my lifetime. The In-Crowd. Has anyone else seen this awesome movie? Has anyone else seen this movie in theaters. I did. No regrets. Everyone, please see The In-Crowd.

The ex-husband wins points for being in all sorts of crap, and Miles is in some show called Battlestar Gallactica that I'm not that familiar with.

(I have no idea if I spelled "Gallactica" correctly. Please do not correct me.)

LIFETIMENESS: 4

I mean, eh. This was pretty screwy even for Lifetime. This was weird bad, which is always appreciated, but not Lifetime bad.

GRAND TOTAL: 25

Top notch cast, second rate movie.